Posted by: thughesa | June 28, 2010

All By Myself…

It was a glorious weekend, well for three hours anyway. My lovely lovely sister watched my monkeys Saturday afternoon and I went shopping, all by myself. I tried on clothes with no one clinging to my leg, vomiting, or crying inconsolably in the stroller. I ate lunch all by myself with no one complaining, vomiting, or spitting food on the floor. Glorious.

It was all going splendidly until I opened the newspaper and read this article.

In May 2008, little Alexa Middelaer was feeding a horse on the side of the road with her aunt when Carol Berner crashed into a parked car. The parked car then crashed into Alexa and her aunt. Alexa’s aunt was badly hurt and Alexa was soon declared brain dead. She was four.

The article was about the trial, which just ended, and her mother’s reaction to reliving the whole ordeal over again. I suddenly didn’t feel like I was having a good time anymore. I felt guilty for enjoying some time away from my kids when this poor woman would probably give anything to be with her daughter again.

Guilt is a terrible problem a lot of mother’s experience. We feel guilty for not brushing their teeth long enough, feeding them cheese slices, using disposable diapers, plastic bottles, wanting some time to ourselves, and on and on. I have spent very little time by myself since my children were born and I have to say I miss it terribly. I love my kids and we have a good time together, but I feel more inside myself and reset when I have had a little time alone. Now here I was, all alone, and feeling horrible about it.

Luckily, mothers have started talking about mommy guilt and how to get deal with it. I love this article by Lori Radun. She offers five ways to combat mommy guilt:

1. Stop Comparing Yourself and Your Children to Others
2. Accept Your Limitations as Well as Your Children’s
3. Apologize When You Are Wrong
4. Don’t Buy Into Others Attempts to Make You Feel Guilty
5. We are Not Responsible for Everything our Children Do

To this list I would also add:
6. Don’t try to be a Super Mommy, just do the best you can
7. Feeling guilty about everything is normal, it’s part of being a mom
8. Feeling guilty means you are doing it right

I managed to shake off the guilt, sent some good thoughts to Alexa’s mom, and continued on my little outing with myself. When I got home I felt good, hugged my girls and popped back into momster mode. All in all a good day.



  1. […] I drove home from my solo outing this past weekend, I tuned into the weekly edition of DNTO: Definitely Not The Opera on CBC Radio […]

  2. […] tmhchina – June 29, 2010Posted in: A Good Momma?, Momma's PostsAs I drove home from my solo outing this past weekend, I tuned into the weekly edition of DNTO: Definitely Not The Opera on CBC Radio […]

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